R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
