we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she smelled like a LAN party
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
