well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
