Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
