so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
