You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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