please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We are two peas in an std pod
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
