I cannot find my penis.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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