It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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