i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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