also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
