Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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