He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
