the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How's work?
Spinning.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize