I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
