then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
