roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
