You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
