I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
