Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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