Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
