She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
