so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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