I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
