I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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