Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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