now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
