so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
