umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
