i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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