I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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