she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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