It's Friday. Sex?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
