his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
