Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
