she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
