She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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