Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
