dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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