but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
