I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
