I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
