I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
