Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
