it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
