Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
