i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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