So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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