Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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