We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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