your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
