I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
