her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
