my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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