well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
