I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize