I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
