He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
