New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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