good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
