you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
