So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
