Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
