new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
