I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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