singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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