Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
