I need help removing her.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
