i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
