I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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