hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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