my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
