I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
