My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
