Sry I called you an 8
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
