You work out of a Hotel?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
