Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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